Mortality Rollercoaster!

Just the other day I was saying how good life has been. Nothing extravagant happened, but I've been happy, people I love have been happy, and I've walked away from most days just feeling grateful to be alive and have the opportunities that I do!

Then Tuesday hit. Again, nothing drastic, it was a mere phone call informing me I did not get a position I had applied for. I was fine in that moment....a brief, brief moment. And then it started to sink in. I was unhappy, I didn't get something I really wanted, someone I had called also happened to be unhappy, I got a headache, then I noticed someone else I talked to was frustrated with life. I lost the energy to tackle the day so I just sat at my desk and did what every woman does best: I cried. And then watched a general conference talk.

Yesterday wasn't any better....I had no motivation, still had the headache, I just felt at the verge of tears and really irritable at the same time. I got my favorite sandwich for lunch, and that didn't help....it didn't even taste that great. I sat at my desk and waited for the day to just be done. I got home, spent time with my peeps and those poor, poor peeps had me irriatable all night. I felt angry, needy, angry, frustrated, sad, angry, all within a 15 minute cycle that would just start over. I just kept saying, "I know...God's will, yadda yadda, His timing, I get it....something better, yes, I know."

I'm not justifying anything, but about 8pm last night the thought came to look up the side effects of this new medicine I'm taking. Immediate Side Effects Include: Irritability, mood swings, headaches, nausea, and depression. Good form. I think I had all but one.

Now to Thursday: Why on earth am I blogging about this?! Because medicine or not...today I woke up feeling different. President Monson said "Physically walking where Jesus walked is less important than walking as He walked." Through thick and thin, hunger and thirst, befriending and betrayal, temptation and rejoicing our Savior walked a perfect path. Today I woke up with the attitude to actually absorb what it means to trust God's timing, His will, and His plan for me. Sure I can look back and hate myself for not letting it sink in sooner, but President Monson's words are ringing in my ears.... "Likewise shall we walk the path of pain. We, as servants, can expect no more than the Master, who left mortality only after great pain and suffering.While we will find on our path bitter sorrow, we can also find great happiness." Christ walked the path of disappointment, temptaion, and pain...how can I expect to become like Him, if I do not walk that path and choose obedience and righteousness as He did.