Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Best Things in Life are Sick

1. I've heard it said that it takes 24 hours for your body to digest and excrete what it takes in. Untrue. I had crab pasta salad for dinner and just had crab in my poop. I looked.
2. I always look at my tissue after I blow my nose. Not that I'll be surprised by what's on there, I'm just curious the shade of green it is. It makes me wonder what I inhaled that day.
3. I feel a little bit proud when I pop a pimple and the nastiness inside lands on the mirror. It's happened 3 times in my life, and I distinctly remember each one. My first pimple-13, a back pimple during basketball-16, and last month.
4. I had one of those did-that-smell-really-just-come-from-me? moments the other day. I was home alone, farted, and then within the minute looked around to see if anyone was there. I was positive someone else had walked in and farted as well because it didn't smell like my brand. It was awful.
5. I tried to spit while running the other night, but apparently I was breathing heavy so when I opened my mouth I accidently created a HUGE spit bubble between my lips that popped against my face. Due to the wind, I definitely felt some land in my hair. I stopped running to spit after that.
6. A part of me think that arm pit smell left in a shirt (that has obviously had deodorant as well) smells good.
7. I think that's it...I'm gonna get back to Fringe now.

4 comments:

  1. I barely made it through that, and it was only by reading it off the screen from very far away with a scowl on my face. Gross.

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  2. That's definitely one of the most disgusting things I've read in my life. But I will say that there is something immensely satisfying about having whatever germinates inside your pores squirt out at a velocity that dirties your mirror. Uh huh... just thinking about it makes me feel happy inside!

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  3. Oh my goodness. You are so hilarious!!!

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  4. I think this is hilarious and almost all of them have happened to me too! Don't even worry! Well besides the crab one because I don't eat crab!

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