Oh. My. Heartache.

I wish there was a better word to describe the type of heartache I mean. The feeling is almost a bitter sweet. This weekend was perfect and definitely had a triumphant end.

Growing up in Sedona is different than most places, I feel. Not only do you grow up knowing almost everyone in your entire school, but also some of your best friends parents are your teachers and principals. Seeing someone from Sedona, outside of that town sends a surge of adrenaline through my heart. It’s just a little piece of home away from home. Hannah and I have been like sisters since we were in HS, especially after living together in college. She started at Vermont Law School in the fall (my baby’s all grown up!) and I went to visit her this weekend. It’s like we were never apart. The best part was hearing her talking about knowing someone Mormon and saying, “What am I supposed to do? Go up to them and be like, ‘Oh my best friend’s Mormon!’” It was just so great to see that when it’s true, deep friendship, certain things do not matter.

The trip started in Boston where we met up with Odette, a friend since first grade that we hadn’t seen in 5 years. It was so much fun, and it was like home. The city is beautiful and I have stayed at the hotel RIGHT next to Odette’s New England Law School. Crazy! All these lawyers in my life. Sheesh.

We went to Vermont to see Hannah’s small town. We toured her school, which is beautiful, and the town. It took about twenty minutes so we ate brunch at a local café and then drove three miles to Camp Joseph—the Joseph Smith Birthplace Memorial! It was wonderful to feel the Spirit there, and again, it was like a little piece of home.

We drove to Burlington…the drive alone is stunning; Trees are changing to some lovely colors on the east coast. Who knew? We shopped, we ate, we LAUGHED. Without a doubt, laughing with Hannah is like none other. My stomach always hurts after. The day couldn’t have been better! And on the drive back we talked about how these fall colors reminded us of weddings, etc, and then we made future wedding plans and colors for ourselves! I realized, I’d rather have a cheap dress and a REALLY good photographer than the other way around.

Today we went back to Boston, where my flight departed, and had lunch with Odette again. It was so nice to be in a room with these beautiful women that came from the same small town, but had desires for something more. All I kept thinking about is that I want to go places and do something. Serve others. Serve the Lord.

Leaving Hannah at the airport left me with a joyful heartache. I’m proud that her life and career are taking off. I’m proud that I’m finishing up my double degree at the University, but it occurred to me that we’re growing up. I thought about my life direction again, and I the desire I’ve had for so long, it seems, to serve a mission. I started my papers a while ago, and aside from meeting with Doctors 3 months before I’m available (in 148 days) I’m done. I decided to calm my spirits I’d read my scriptures. It worked and I was just waiting for my flight to board.

My phone rings. It was Kyli. I thought, how random at 1:00pm Boston time, but how perfect, I need to talk to her anyway.

M: Hello?

K: Is Kelsie Whipple in Tallahassee?

M: Wait, what?

K: Sister Whipple. Is she in Tallahassee right now?

Me: Oh. Yes!

K: Okay, hold on. I think I see her! I’m in Tallahassee right now visiting my convert *running* [in the background] Are you Sister Whipple? Because I’m on the phone with Sasha Piton, right now.

Sister Whipple: Hahaha, no way. That’s crazy! *grabs phone* Hello? How are you?

M: OH. MY. GOSH!!! I’m GOOD, how are you?

My hands were shaking and there was a lump in my throat! I couldn’t believe I was talking to one of my closest friends; my hero; my ray of sunshine; my missionary, on the phone. We only talked for a few minutes before we said goodbye. Again, it was bitter sweet. A joyful heartache. A Tender Mercy.

After that brief conversation my heart pounded with the Spirit. Sometimes I feel there’s opposition for sisters who want to go on a mission. I don’t mean the normal, hey-Satan-doesn’t-want-me-to-be-righteous-in-life, kind of oppression. I mean people acting as if I think I want to go on a mission, but marriage is right around the corner and I’ll never make it on a mission. Don’t get me wrong; I value marriage more than people would think. I cannot wait for the day I get to call someone mine, and I theirs. I have never been anyone’s first and last thought, and I know I will have deep, consuming, unable to recover kind of love, but right now, a mission consumes my thoughts more than anything. It’s like my spirit is itching to get out of my skin because I want to go so badly. I hear how hard that time of service is, and my bones ache to be working that hard. I know the Lord is aware of my heartache because I see Tender Mercies every day to help me through and prepare me for something more. The thought has hit me multiple times today, so I’m going to say (write) it, but I feel like Jamie understands. Talking to him just a year ago….he was always a missionary, and he always encouraged me. His spirit broke free from his body to do missionary work. While I miss him and can think of a few people that NEED him, I know he’s right where he should be.

I very much so am grateful for the missionaries in my life. And the best friend that accepts me and loves me for wanting to do and be more!

147 days and 12 hours…. :)